I used to work in a law firm. Several law firms. I read and saw some crazy things in the multiple depositions that came across my desk. Here is a sample of the more memorable ones.
Q. Please identify (by title, author, editor, edition, publisher, date of publication, section, portion, and page) every published treatise, periodical, or pamphlet on a subject of history medicine, or other science or art that you may offer to use in the trial of this case under Rule 803(18) of the Texas Rules of Evidence.
Response. First, there were dinosaurs. And they were big and scary. They died and turned to oil. Then the Arabs came, and they drove Mercedes. And then Newton explained inertia and your client fell on her fat ass.
This whole deposition is like this (I feel sooo bad for the attorneys taking this), but this was the most random answer I’ve found yet.
Q: So all of your answers with regard to what you observed during [name edited]’s stay in the hospital, that’s just you speaking as a layperson. Is that correct?
A: Right. I didn’t allow [name edited] to iron and one of my big pleasures was ironing her white shirt with French-rolled sleeve. That means no seam here. We learned that in high school. WE were graded on our — on our uniform blouses and she just — I just loved putting her in a white shirt. And I didn’t allow her to cook.
O_O
And people wonder why attorneys are alcoholics.
Q: You don’t have any background with regard to performing of autopsies or anything like that. Correct?
A: Well, I mean I watch CSI.
Q: But it’s sort of like hitting your head against the wall? When you stop doing it, it feels better?
Well DEAR GOD I hope so!
Q: Well, you’ve treated people who have suffered death and have been in a coma for weeks and days if not hours, true? (lawyer)
A: Well, I usually stop treating them after they’re dead. (expert)
Sometimes it’s the little things that make this job entertaining. Come trial time, it’s lots of things.
I’m such a little kid. I’m reviewing these medical records and I keep giggling that this proctologist is named Dr. Butts.
Q: Do you agree or disagree?
A: Yes.
Classic!