I had recent conversation with a friend where we discussed how there was no way we knew what we wanted ten years ago, much less when we were teenagers. As I thought about where I was ten years ago, it’s really shocking at how much is different.
Ten years ago, I was still a paralegal working for a med mal defense law firm that no longer exists. I was still thinking that law school was in my future, where I would pay off my student loans with my bestselling series of novels. I was a copy editor for a video game website that also no longer exists. Kids were never a possibility, and I was hardcore into anime. Hardcore as in cel collecting and editing fansubs for anime that hadn’t reached our shores yet. I never thought reviewing video games was a possibility because I’m not that good at games.
Well, that last sentence is still pretty true; I’m not good at games, but I’m good enough to burn through them when I have to. But nothing else in that paragraph is still true.
I’m not unhappy with how things have turned out, and really the only wish I have is that writing about video games was slightly more lucrative. Kids are expensive, yo, not to mention my stupid little hobbies. At least I’m not collecting cels anymore. Yeesh. As such, I do run my own SEO business on the side to help with bills, eating, and everything else I have to pay for the kids. Seriously, kids are expensive, yo!
At least, I sort of run my own SEO business. I haven’t been as prolific in that as I should be and want to be. I do have a good amount of steady clients, but I could always do better in fetching more clientele. But there’s always an excuse. I’m swamped with my review schedule. Shawn is going out of town for a month so I don’t have as much time to work after camps and daycare. I’m going out of town. This meeting with my boss turned into a Spaceballs quote-off so I spent far more time gabbing than I did working and concentrating on setting aside time for the SEO business. It’s always something.
But I know I need to look toward the future, because as much as I love my video game job, I’m not an idiot in thinking it will be here forever. This is one of the most unstable industries I’ve ever worked in, and I know I could log in to the office tomorrow morning to find out that the parent company has decided to scrap us. If it can happen with far bigger sites, I know it can happen where I work.
I used to have all of these plans, somewhere along the way, I’ve lost focus. Maybe I’ve gotten complacent, even in this tumultuous industry? Maybe it’s the kids? Maybe it’s how much I feel like procrastinating every waking minute of the day. Maybe it’s because if I think of everything I want to do or planned to do, I immediately escape into something else, like writing this blog instead of working on my stack of shame or brainstorming for my novel that I wrote new notes for just last week.
I know that I’m putting too much pressure on myself once again. It’s a gift, what can I say? I most likely need to back off of a project or ten so I can focus. But quitting yoga ain’t going to happen. Practicing yoga has been one of the best things of my life. And so has this job. And my SGR site. And starting my own business. And…and…well, crap.
Considering I can’t solve my first world problems tonight, check out these baby goats in pajamas.
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