In writing down the dramatic story of Zack’s arrival in this world, I completely forgot to mention the best part of the whole delivery ordeal.
When Gabe was born, I had a complete freak-out moment. After the delivery team cleaned him up, wrapped him in a blanket, and handed him to me, I panicked. I burst into tears when I held him, which of course made the nurses think I was just so happy, but I was terrified. I never really wanted kids before, and even though the pregnancy made me excited to have a child, now that he was here, I was flooded with thoughts of OMG I DON’T WANT THIS! It really wasn’t until that first night in the hospital that I was able to calm down and get excited about having a baby.
With Zack, I was a little older, a little more mature (maybe), and since I had had two miscarriages prior to Zack’s conception, I was very ready and excited for a new baby. In all honesty, I had two chances to back out of having another kid. It was almost as if God was making sure this was REALLY what I wanted. So yes, I cried during Zack’s delivery because I was terrified of losing another baby, especially this far along.
After he was, uh, scooped out of me, he was taken over by the NICU team for a little bit to make sure he was okay, etc. After they cleaned him up and while I was still getting patched up, one of the nurses brought him over to me and asked if I would hold him, skin-to-skin to help both his vitals and my own. Unbeknownst to me at that point, I was apparently in danger of crashing as well. I attribute it to being scared and possibly going into shock due to the fear, but that’s a story of a different time, and it’s probably best to ask to Shawn about it instead of me, since they told him, not me, that I was not doing well at all.
ANYWAY.
Zack was wearing nothing but a diaper, and he was fussing a little bit as they placed him on my chest. As soon as I got to hold this little baby that close, I instantly felt calmer. Zack looked up at me and stopped crying. He just snuggled into place, and one of the nurses commented that he was calming down and his vitals looked better. I cried once again, but this time, it wasn’t in fear or panic; I was just so happy to see my baby doing well and knowing that holding him was helping both of us. That moment, right then, made the entire affair worth it completely.
Of course, I still have his entire life to get back at him for scaring me that much and forcing me to recover from a C-section. His cuteness will only save him temporarily. Hee.
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