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Thursday, April 27, 2006 - 1:47 PM

I've had the topic of religion on my mind for awhile now, and I think the only way I'm going to get it out of my head is to write about it. If it bores you, go through my archive and find the entry about the black widows and me crying in Wal-Mart. That story should amuse you.

If you've just gotten to know me in the last five years or so, then it would probably surprise you to learn that I was heavily involved in my church when I was going to Baylor. I actually had a place that I called my church. I was raised Episcopalian and my family always went to church every Sunday. I was never really all that involved in church. I was in the acolytes, went to Sunday School, and made some good friends, but I didn't do much else. Church was just a Sunday thing until I went to Baylor. Then due to boyfriend-influences, I regularly went to a Baptist church, and even converted to Baptist, much to my family's dismay. I was so involved, I even went to Wednesday night services, Bible studies, and would go to a Baptist church when I visited my family on weekends.

And then in my sophomore year, it came to a screeching halt. I wanted to start a Bible Study on the Old Testament, something that most Baptist churches do not touch in their church services. My pastor initially seemed intrigued and supportive, and then backed out. I found it was because he didn't find the Old Testament as important as the New, and didn't want any emphasis on it.

I felt incredibly betrayed.

And then, I started to notice how every sermon at church was the pastor telling me what to believe. Was it always like this? I couldn't bear to go anymore. I couldn't stand being told what I could take from the Bible. I couldn't stand being told that I was wrong. (And then I went to grad school! Heh! The whole program is built around how wrong you are!) My Mom said that all denominations weren't like that, but being at Baylor itself didn't help me want to go back to church. Don't get me wrong. I went to a fabulous school. But as it is a religious private school, I found myself beaten to death with wannabe missionaries. At least once a week, someone would be on the fountain in the middle of the square (which is now gone! sniff!) screaming out how we were all going to Hell if we didn't accept Jesus Christ in our hearts. I wanted to shove all of them into the fountains and tell them that yelling that stuff at a Baptist university is a waste of good oxygen. Go down to the University of Texas and yell that in front of their church of Satan.

So yes, the Bible beatings drove out any idea of going to church. I'm still a Christian, I just handle things in my own way. I interpret the Bible in my own way, pray in my own way, etc. No one has ever really made me feel that I'm not religious or anything like that. But since about last year, I've felt the pressure a bit.

It started when I went to Minnesota to see my best friend. She is heavily involved with her church, which is great. She's made some great friends, and finally feels that she fits in up there. Two of her church friends went along with us to the Packers game, and on the way there, they asked me to tell an embarrassing story about Jen. No, I didn't tell the most embarrassing thing I had. But the story I did tell involved alcohol, as most embarrassing stories do. They laughed, didn't seem to be that big of deal, end of story. Jen tells me later that night that she's a little embarrassed that they now know that she used to drink. I kind of stared at her, not sure what to say. Since she had gotten involved with the church (yes, it is Baptist) she doesn't drink anymore. That's not that big of a deal in of itself, as I really don't drink like I used to anymore, but I'd never be embarrassed that I used to drink that much. It was part of my life, it was what I did, and I had fun times with my friends. When she made that comment, it was almost like she was saying that she was embarrassed of me, because I do still drink, and of the fun we had in college. Did her new religion do that? Does she feel embarrassed because of church? I don't understand that. It isn't like we killed people or did anything wrong that deserves a confession. So why be embarrassed? I don't understand how something can dictate your beliefs like that. It's like how I believe in evolution and I've been told that I'm evil for believing so because it goes against the Bible. Are people embarrassed of me because I believe in evolution? That would be an interesting survey...

For the past year, my Mom has gotten heavily involved in a Bible Study. No big deal. Last Christmas (I think), I was home with the family and Kay and I were talking about something, I don't remember what. Suddenly my Mom interrupts and says that she no longer believes in evolution due to what she has learned in her Bible Study. It was another staring, not sure what to say moment. I looked at my aunt and then back at Mom and said, "Well okay. Not sure what happened there, but I still do believe in evolution, and I think it's best if we just agree to disagree and that's it." The only thing that I can think of that spurned that on is that when my family gets together, we tend to drink, and sometimes drinking leads into awful philosophical discussions. Maybe she just wanted to throw out a preemptive strike. But that strike drove in a wedge between us. Mom and I no longer have philosophical discussions about religion. Suddenly my way of interpreting things is wrong. She buys me books called Case for Christ and Case for Faith in hopes of getting me back into church. I try to explain that I'm not anti-religion, I'm anti-organized religion, but I think it might as well be the same thing. And now my sister has gotten heavily involved in church. I'm having to explain my stances to her as well.

I guess it just feels as of late that I'm constantly defending myself about not going to church. And you know, it never bothers me when I defend myself to people at work, or those I just met, etc. But to someone I've been best friends with for almost 10 years and my family... it affects me. And it shouldn't. These are my choices and my beliefs and opinions, and the last time I checked, opinions and beliefs can't be wrong. It's something like, I was fine in your eyes ten years ago, so what's wrong with me now? My beliefs haven't changed, yours have.

In other news, Shawn and I switched from satellite to cable last night. And God saw that it was good.

posted by Keri
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Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 9:48 PM

Apolgies to Tim Buckley.

posted by Keri
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Thursday, April 20, 2006 - 4:36 PM

Jules sent me a few pictures of my adventures in Atlanta with DT. I went all the way to Atlanta to put together a chair and play video games. No wonder I'm a pariah.

posted by Keri
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- 8:41 AM

You know... life really isn't boring.

Boring is not being woken up at 5 a.m. by your husband who tells you that most of the fence blew over the night before in that bad storm.

Sigh.

posted by Keri
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Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 1:59 PM

I swear it's either a drought or it's flooding around here. Three weeks of nonstop craziness with trial, and now that I'm back in the office I'm practically twiddling my thumbs. So instead of thumb twiddling, I'm blogging. Hey, at least it sounds like I'm busy, I suppose.

For those who are curious, we did win our trial. It was an unanimous no negligence defense verdict, so yay for the attorneys! One thing about this case that I wish I did was write down the quotes of the day. Believe me, every day had some outrageous and/or hilarious quote. Most of them were from opposing counsel. A few were from the judge and witnesses. I only remember a few, and I may just have to post them somewhere. I've thought about creating a fun with depositions section, and that may just be a fun with law section that will include this trial. Will have to play around a bit later.

I went to Houston this weekend since I haven't been there since Christmas and I don't know when I can make it there again. Shawn wasn't able to go with me, and he missed out on some seriously good food. But he also missed out on helping me calm my Dad down during their Turbo Tax upgrade fiasco. I'm hoping that this melodrama will finally steer them away from dial-up and towards the gloriousness of broadband. And maybe they won't wait until the last minute to do their taxes again. They should know that technology always fails when you're under a deadline. But Shawn gave me the best surprises when I got home on Monday. First, he cleaned the entire house and did all the laundry. Then he bought me Kingdom Hearts 2 and the strategy guide even though I'm only a little more than halfway through the first game. I guess I have twice the motivation to finish the game now! Although I should probably play the other dozens of games that I have first, like the ones I got for Christmas. I think some are still in their plastic wrap.

One of these days I'm really going to have to choose between cel collecting and video games. It's getting to hard and expensive to keep up with both. And yes, Shawn, I already know what you would vote for.

posted by Keri
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Sunday, April 09, 2006 - 5:43 PM

Operation: Barefoot Weekend -- SUCCESS! And my feet have never been happier. They're going to be so mad at me when they find out that trial isn't over. But they won't be as mad as the jurors will be if we don't close this week.

posted by Keri
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Friday, April 07, 2006 - 10:32 AM

Thanks to taking the train in to work, I'm breezing through books. I've really missed taking out time to read. Lately it's been a graphic novel here or there (I've taken to reading manga over watching anime these days!) but I haven't picked up an actual book with prose in months. And of course, reading a real book without pictures has made me think about getting back to my fiction writing. (Well, that and the fact that one of my friends is in the process of moving into a dream writing job! Sorry... can't get into details until it's final. And then I will hate her oh so very much. Far more than I already do.) I pulled out my outline that I've made for a fantasy novel and I reworked it a little. I think if I can get a solid plot down, and if I practice prosaic writing a bit, I can start drafting it. Oh, and I'll have to wait for a moment to breathe, which should be by next Friday, when this trial is over.

But in the meantime, I really need to practice my writing style. My blogs have been far shorter and to the point than they used to be (I blame my degrees and my years as a legal assistant). Although I'm sure it makes all five of my readers happy, it's hard to get someone to publish any fiction if it's bereft and without elaboration and development. So, I'm going to add another feature to my site, hopefully very soon, that will be just me practicing my writing. Of course it's going to be very geeky, and no, it will not be about anime. And no, it won't be fiction either. It's harder to elaborate on facts than actual fiction, so I'll work on that first.

But anyway, I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. I plan to bum it on the couch and go barefoot all weekend. My poor feet have calluses and blisters all over them from walking to the courthouse and back everyday in heels.

posted by Keri
3 Comments

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Monday, April 03, 2006 - 8:43 PM

Funniest quote of last week in trial (aside from the testimony)... During the fourth sidebar conversation (where the attorneys speak with the judge off the record in hushed voices so the jurors don't hear) in two hours on the first day, our client leaned over to me and whispered, "So this really isn't like Law and Order, is it?"

The judge likes to wink when he tells jokes or makes wisecracks. So I began to think about the whole concept of winking. (Yes, expert testimony gets boring.) Like, I could never pull off winking at people. I'd either get asked what is in my eye or what is wrong with me. So obviously it works for some people. But why does it? Were they always winkers? Do they have a face that's especially conducive for winking? I had a boyfriend that used to wink all the time, but he was bad at it. We made fun of him. Who knows how long he had been winking, but it definitely didn't work for him. Do people ever tell others that they can't pull off winking, like when they tell people that they can't sing? No, wait, I know people don't tell others that they can't sing. That's how American Idol gets such great viewership. So I guess that's something else I'm going to be observing about people. Every day is going to be like my own people zoo.

posted by Keri
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