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Sunday, August 28, 2005 - 9:06 PM

Have to get something out before I head off to bed.

In high school and college, I have always been the shy person. The person that would never say anything contradictory out of fear of being disliked. I'm still a little of that person. Only now instead of being shy, I have walls built up against anyone new I meet so I can analyze them and decide how much of my walls I need to take down. But. A lot of things have changed.

People in the recent past (definitely not the college days) have told me that they like me because I don't care what people think of me. That has always surprised me, because I still have this notion that I should be whatever needed so that people will like me. Lately I'm noticing how true that is.

I'm still very guarded around people I don't know, and that includes online people I meet in my cel forum. I usually come off as rather bitchy (well, I am) and people brush me off. I figure that the ones worth being friends with are the ones that embrace that guarded and somewhat bitchy personality. So I never really realized that I really do have that I don't care personality. How that fits in with the side of me that wants to please everyone, I haven't worked that out yet.

But what has gotten me thinking is that I just realized this week how much I do have that don't care attitude, and how outspoken I have become. When people touch on sensitive subjects like politics, religion, the usual social taboos, I no longer shy away from it, afraid of upsetting others, and instead meet such conversations head on. I have no problem dancing like an idiot with only two people on the dance floor at a wedding. Hey, I like to dance! I like anime. Waaaay too much. It's usually uncomfortable explaining such a hobby to a non-geek. Ehh, screw that. If they think I'm too weird to hang out with just because I'm an ubergeek, don't need them.

I know this all seems so silly, but you have no idea how proud I am of myself. I'm no longer the same girl that would hide the fact that I had Cartoon Network on my TV 24/7 by changing the channel on my cable box whenever someone would come over and right before I would leave. I was so afraid of getting made fun of, I had to hide any possible bait.

Now, bring it on. Yes, I'm a geek. Yes, I have very strong views about corporate America, education, and our military. Yes, I'm prejudiced against stupid, lazy, worthless people. Yes, I get NFL scores e-mailed to my phone. Yes, I'm going to Japan with a bunch of people from Cartoon Network that I haven't met. And I'm excited about all of it.

But. Despite that several people have told me that they like me so much because I don't care what people think, a few of those same people now don't like me because I don't care. It's a double-edged sword I guess. Be a people-pleaser when I don't want to be and let things I strongly disagree with go by unchallenged. Or stand up and disagree and lose those people. That's a rather dramatic way of looking at it, and it's a little over-simplified, but it's still true. And it jerks against my people-pleasing side like you wouldn't believe. It's like I have a split-personality and they have arguments with each other. So I get tortured by it and then I write. Wow I'm more of an English major than I thought...

I guess the big thing is where do I draw the line. I don't want to be the one that is always shoving issues under people's noses that I usually fight against. I still want to be a people pleaser. Uh oh, I hear those sides having an argument again. Hopefully they'll draw up some sort of a contract that will make everyone happy and I will just sign the dotted line.

But they better not argue too loudly tonight. I have to be at the courthouse waaaaaay too early tomorrow.

posted by Keri
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Saturday, August 27, 2005 - 3:38 PM

I know I've been slacking on my blog. I've been in all trial all week and I haven't gotten home before 7:30 yet. And the fun continues next week.

As that has been all I have been doing, I don't have much else to say except for a couple of things. When you are summoned for jury duty, PLEASE watch what you put on your cards. We do read them, and we do make fun of stupid things people write. The highlights of this trial were:

1) In the "Highest Level of Education" box, someone wrote "5' 11". So how many classes does it take for you to achieve the next two inches?
2) In an attempt to abbreviate the religion of Assembly of God, this juror wrote "Ass of God." DON'T EVER want to go to one of those Sunday gatherings.

I'm sure I'll have more to say next time, especially since opposing counsel is such a jerk and he likes to whine about how he's a private practicing attorney going up against firms and it's just not fair how we have better resources than him. Grrrr, that crap talk drives me crazy. I'd get into it now, but I just really want to sleep a little bit.

posted by Keri
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Monday, August 22, 2005 - 5:55 PM

Holy cow we're definitely making the Talking Shit party an annual tradition. I know that we tried once before, but Saturday was such a blast I don't think we have a choice.

But my fun started Friday. After hearing that I have to come in Sunday morning to go over direct examination with the client, I took off early on Friday to pick up DT and Julie at the airport. Julie is another traveling companion for the Japan 2006 trip. After meeting and getting to know her a little, I am now so pumped for the trip. I can see why DT said we'd get along. Hey Bacon-kun! You're getting close to not having a choice and being kidnapped for this trip.

I took DT and Julie to Snuffer's for dinner, where the drinking began, took them back to our house, and we finished the drinking on the back porch at about oh 1:30 in the morning. The last time I stayed up that late was to help fix the exploding pipe, but the time before that, I can't remember. After staying in bed for a while Saturday morning, I took them to St. Pete's in Deep Ellum, and then Julie wanted to see where Kennedy was shot so we did the touristy thing and walked through downtown. Wish it was about 10 - 20 degrees cooler that day, but hey, she wanted to see it, and who knows when they'll be back. I hadn't ever visited it either, so it was neat to see it all.

I think that the pics will explain the party itself better than I can here. I didn't take half as many pictures as there were things to smash as I kept getting distracted with hostess thingies. Maybe I can get more pictures from DT. But as you can see, it was a SMASHING success. I had to politely ask the remaining stragglers to leave around 2:30 since I did have to go to work the next day. At 8:30. I wasn't hungover, but I wasn't in my best form either. Of course I took a nap later, so I wasn't ready to go to bed until close to midnight. This is why I don't take naps. I haven't been in my best form today either.

posted by Keri
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Monday, August 15, 2005 - 5:03 PM

I used to make fun of people for having online friends that they consider close friends, or really just considering online people as friends. But then today I got a birthday present in from Bacon-kun, and I realized that that was the third gift I've gotten from an online friend. When did I get so close to online friends? Better yet, when did I consider them friends? They used to be faceless entities on a cel collector's online forum. I only chatted with them for sales or to tell them how much I liked their collections. Then somewhere through all of those e-mails, I started to become friends with them.

It's no secret that I've been lonely in Dallas since Jen and Kerri moved out of state. I try to get out more, but it seems that when you own a house you lose your social life. (But Nicole, I'm not giving up! We will meet for wine!!) So I don't know when Bacon-kun and I started chatting, but at some point we mixed personal talk in the midst of anime talk. And now I feel like I can tell her almost anything. And it is a little weird to consider someone you haven't met in person someone that is not in the "anyone" category and well, a best friend. We already agree that she's me, just older and lives in Jersey. And then DT rolls in, and hey, I'm planning vacations with her. She's even coming to our housewarming party. When Nida comes to Dallas for business, I've already planned on taking a day off to meet her.

How crazy is all this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how sad this makes me sound, but I honestly don't care. It does make me wanna poke at Jen, Kerri, and Carleigh to become big onliners as well. Apparently I don't know any other way to keep in touch.

posted by Keri
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Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 7:25 AM

Yes, I get bored with design easily. You should see how I revamped my cel gallery. Redesign is always a big headache but it's a lot of fun (to me) as well. I should get into web publishing. I have way too much fun with the boring crap.

I redesigned it yesterday while waiting for the satellite guy. This weekend has been a weekend of nothing going as planned. Maybe I should stop planning how I'm going to do things. I wanted to get all the laundry done so I could clean all week long and have plenty of time to go grocery shopping for the party. That and I don't know how much I'm going to have to work late this week so I can avoid working on the weekend. However. The pipe to the main line to our house decided to break, spilling gallons and gallons of precious water into the street. Who knows when it happened and how long it had been spewing water. Shawn said it was our own mini-geyser. And of course, the warranty people's plumbing company did not give us their correct phone number and the warranty people have gone home for the day. Once again, thank God Shawn knows how to do all the crap he knows how to do. Too bad the fix was not that simple. We were up until 1 a.m. trying to fix it, and had to settle with a temporary fix that included bricks holding down the pvc piping so they wouldn't pull away from one another. So avoid putting extra pressure on the piping, all water usage has been at a minimum. As I write this, the warranty people are supposed to be here to fix it (we did find them) and of course they are not. So the laundry still isn't done.

Since laundry was out, I actually went into work instead to get both of my cases ready for trial. The files are now 100% organized, so I'll need to do is get the material ready that the attorneys will need during trial for reference, notes, and whatnot. I know one attorney will know what all he needs by Monday. The other won't tell me anything until maybe Friday. But anyway, the satellite installers were to come between noon and 5 on Saturday. We were betting on 3. They came at 6. And left at 9:30. At least the did come and did not try to reschedule. I should have gone to the store at that time, but I was too afraid of missing them and since the account is in my name I had to be here to sign everything.

Today we're going to lunch with Kay to celebrate her birthday. I hope that the water is fixed so I can take a shower. Maybe I should just take one now...

posted by Keri
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Friday, August 12, 2005 - 4:37 PM

It's trial season. Good-bye sanity, hellooooooo stress. I should be FUN at the housewarming party. Nothing a hipflask of Jagermeister won't cure.

Oh, and I have an opportunity to go see the Packers play at Lambeau the last weekend in August. Please please have my trials continued... (Check out that well written sentence with the loverly passive voice... see what the law will do to you? It ruins your writing!)

posted by Keri
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Friday, August 05, 2005 - 2:07 PM

This week was kind of a bad week. Well, more like a disappointing week. First, I found out that I couldn't buy Baylor football season tickets because Shawn has drill pratically every game. So I then tried to buy tickets for the Texans v. Cowboys game. I've always wanted to see a Houston v. Dallas game because that's pretty much how Shawn and I are. Shawn has drill that weekend as well. Then our toobing trip was cancelled. Joe has to work that weekend. I've been trying to plan a toobing trip for two years and it never works out. At least I went white water rafting this year.

And then, the big drama with dsl finally came to a close. Thanks to SBC not wanting to update their phone boxes in our area, NO ONE can give us DSL. I'm going to have to wait for SBC to come around, whenever that may be. The current rumor is August 25th. We'll see. Thank goodness that Panera's bakery offers free wifi. I can still get my anime fix and fansub.

On the up side, I joined the Stub Hub today and it looks like I will be able to get tickets to the Colts v. Texans game after all! The current price listing on the Texans site was $279 each, but I've found some for $48. Far better deal. Oh, and we're getting satellite tv. I shopped around a little more today and found that the Dish Network was offering a promo for free equipment, install, and DVR/HDTV upgrade. Didn't take me too long to think about that. Can't wait to watch non-fuzzy TV and play with DVR.

posted by Keri
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Wednesday, August 03, 2005 - 3:58 PM

Well, I avoided the inevitable, and the inevitable likes to bite. Hard. I know that I've been gaining weight. I see it in the mirror, I feel it in my tight pants. But I didn't know how much. I went to the doctor today, and of course was weighed. I now weigh as much as I did when I was my heaviest playing rugby. Only I'm not playing rugby anymore, and haven't for three years. And the weight isn't in my shoulders and back. And it isn't as pretty or shapely as muscle. I suppose that if I was okay with how I have been looking lately, I wouldn't think anything of it, but I'm not and I haven't been for awhile. But of course I never did anything about it. But I think now that's going to change. There's a walking trail that goes around the lake just outside my house that would be perfect to walk the dogs or ride my bike. And that ab roller... time to pull it out again. Gotta stop the fat takeover now before it travels from my thighs and stomach to my neck and arms. Don't want to look how I did my freshman year of college. Maybe I should stick one of those pictures up on my fridge for inspiration.

posted by Keri
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005 - 7:42 PM

Finally took some pictures of the house. Please forgive the living room, it is not completely unpacked and is a little messy. Isn't the new kitchen fabulous? Byron came over this past weekend and painted around the pantry (and under the bar but you can't see that) my Roman colors I picked out. It's not complete yet; he is still going to paint my archway like they're Roman columns. I can't wait!!

posted by Keri
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